That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Randomize
