Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
