Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
