we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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