I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
