the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
