My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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