My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
