is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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