im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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