Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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