You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
