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• (801): View more from Utah

  My underwear smells like fireworks.

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!

  (804): View more from Virginia

  a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.

  (804): View more from Virginia

  That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.

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• (209): View more from California

  ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?

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• (915): View more from Texas

  Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"

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• (206): View more from Washington

  buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?

  (1-515): View more from Iowa

  Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....

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• (408): View more from California

  If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.

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