Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
