I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
