it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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