i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
