I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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