If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
