What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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