Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
