Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize