Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
