It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
