also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
