We're like a lot better than the average bears
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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