Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
