saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
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