she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
