I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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