Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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