Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
