Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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