But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
