I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
