yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
