I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
