It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize