i will never coherently bang her
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
