I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
