so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
