Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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