I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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