Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
