So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
