We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
i think im in europe. pls send help