It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
