the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack