Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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