my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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