dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
