I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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