Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Randomize
