I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
