It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
