Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Small penises have feelings too.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
