everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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