you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
