In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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