are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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