bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
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On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
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Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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