this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
