I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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