God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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