TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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