MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
