It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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