Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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