theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
