Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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