Just mADE A PArabola og urine
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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